Re-grounding myself in the why

I've actually debated whether or not to write this post, first because it is a departure from our training theme (Heavens, no! Not that!), and second because it just almost hurts to think of all this. It makes me tired, discouraged, sad. But we (teachers) are thinking of it anyway. We can't avoid it, really. So it's got to help to say it out loud. Right?

I'm deciding whether or not to see Waiting for Superman. That shouldn't be hard, just a yes or no decision. I'm curious about it - it's gotten so much attention. But I know that at least part of it is going to upset me, make me really mad, and maybe even give me a depressing sense of futility (about how my profession is perceived, not about students). And I'm asking myself if I want to go through that?

I'm not sure you realize, if you aren't a teacher, how much is being said and printed and recorded that is, at best, rationally critical, and at worst downright persecutorial about teachers and their failure in the American education system. I say American, because that's the system I know, but I recently asked a fellow blogger in Scotland if he feels a similar censure and he readily admitted it.

One teacher expressed it in some remarks he prepared for a panel discussion in California about the series of articles run by the L.A. Times** last year. He called what's happening lately an all-out media war on public schools and especially teachers. And it seems to grind on and on. The L.A. Times and Superman were last year, but my Yahoo news page keeps popping up headlines. In a 48 hour period this week, one news blog ran 10 news stories, 5 of them negative stories about education. Here's the sample:

A story about a teacher who anonymously blogged her uncensored thoughts about student attitudes last year.

A report that says that education (college) is basically futile for immigration students who can't use it to find better jobs anyway.

A poll that shows Americans' lack of confidence in public education.

A story examining teacher motivation in a couple of nationally reported scandals about cheating on state exams - yes, that's teachers (and administrators) cheating, not students. Be sure and check the link in the beginning of the story to the Atlanta scandal.

An article showing that school policies to curb violence and bad behavior in schools aren't working.

Click on these only if you want to read the articles. Because I've finally come to some conclusions about something.

I can feel as bad as I choose to feel about all this. There is plenty of legitimate bad news, and lots more blamecasters and naysayers that will weigh in, just because they can. It is bad.

But it's also good. Really good. There are lots of good teachers out there (yes, even in public schools), doing strong and exciting things. Most of these articles are chasing data that measures what we have done, sometimes not all that recently. Teachers know that things are changing so quickly now, in the world and in our classrooms, that we are already facing issues that the media won't be reporting on for another decade. Like how well we start transitioning to teaching a 21st Century understanding of literacy. Or how collaboration in the classroom may be the skill that is most needed by students for future professional success - and teaching it or measuring it will be a challenge.

The difference in how I feel will be what I choose to concentrate on. I believe I need to be aware of what is being said and what are the debates. But for me, spending too much time with it is like looking through a telescope - I focus in on one aspect (and the negative is easiest) without remembering to look at others.

So my reading must include articles like these, shared by our district's literacy coach:

Teaching Secrets: Managing October Exhaustion This article acknowledges that we all "hit a wall" at times, and has some really good suggestions for rejuvenating ourselves. I don't do all of these, but even just reading them makes me feel better. [and I owe this article for the title of my post today.]

How Teachers Fail -- and Thrive I read this in a workshop when I was struggling with just this issue - facing the failures that are an inevitable part of teaching. I was so relieved that I wasn't alone in feeling this.

Add to this reading about the things I want to teach, and new and better ways to teach them, and my reading plate is pretty full. The positive, more optimistic writers keep me going, while the critical stories make me want to go back to bed. Since that isn't an option, I guess I need to concentrate on reading the former.

One last thing. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about why I am a teacher. I'm 4 years into a mid-life career change, without the comfort of feeling like I have mastered the game. I don't feel that I'm an "A" teacher (yet). I was always an "A" student, so this is unsettling. Why, then, am I still so committed, so engaged; why do I love teaching?

You know what I've come up with? It's a little weird. I want to be a producer. I want to produce something, a service, a lesson, that I give directly to the consumer, to borrow some social science terms. I've read about how popular and marketable degrees in business are, and I've thought about people I know who join large businesses as some kind of middle management. What do they do? I'm not trying to offend anyone, I'm just saying that what their work consists of doesn't seem to be anything that I would feel reward in doing. I can't fathom working for something like the stock market, where little pieces of paper (sorry, data) may be money, sort of, some day, in an abstract kind of way. What good does that do? Do they know the faces (or even the siblings) of the people they affect in the world?

I do.

I may not know all the ultimate outcomes, good or bad, of my teaching. But for those 10 months, we have a direct exchange, my students and I. I know the value of what I'm trying to pass to them. They show me varying degrees of appreciation or respect. It is direct, rewarding, and relevant to my life and theirs.

Hmm. Relevance. That's a word that we get hit with a lot in teaching. We're told that it is vital that we make lessons relevant for students. I guess that's also a real-world measure. I love teaching because it has relevance for my life and for me. Other jobs wouldn't, or not in the same way.

So Superman will have to wait (pardon the pun). Right now I just don't want to go there. I want to concentrate, as I have been for a couple of weeks, on the students I'm going to meet in 2 weeks, and how I'm so excited about new things I want to do in class (like student blogging, and iPad lessons).

________________

**I chose one link, hopefully a fairly balanced one, that gave a quick summary of the L.A. Times series. But the series was big, and the response was massive. If you don't know about it, and want to, Google "L.A. Times," "value-added," and "teacher" and you'll get pages of articles, some supporting the paper's choices, some arguing, some ridiculing. And the comments are a revelation.